If It Doesn't Kill You, It Makes You A Family

What am I talking about? Infertility, that is! In my case, specialists could never determine any reason why I wasn't getting pregnant. Numerous procedures had both me and David checked out as "A-OK". But that did not make our road to having a family any easier. Although David and I have always been open to adoption, when one is in the midst of infertility treatments and procedures you feel empty and hopeless and can't imagine ever having the opportunity to raise and love a child. The stress associated with infertility is brutal. In fact, I have often said that I would not wish infertility on my worst enemy. Actually, research has shown that the psychological stress experienced by women with infertility is similar to that of women coping with illnesses like cancer, HIV, and chronic pain. Additionally, infertility can also be an open-ended situation where there are no clear endings and mourning and grief is prolonged because a glimmer of hope may linger. Despite all of that, I would relive all of that pain, stress and wicked roller coaster ride again if it meant that I would end up in the exact same spot that I am right now. Our dear Madeline was, without a doubt, meant to be ours and I can't imagine our family being any different - Mama, Papa, Maddie. And yes, if it (infertility) doesn't kill you, it not only makes you stronger but makes for you, a family.

Rebekah, a friend that we met in Russia while we were both in the midst our adoption processes, described this transformation the best. Below is what Rebekah posted on her blog today and thus has prompted me to share my feelings as well.

Infertility means different things to those whose womb it has struck. Each woman deals with infertility in her own special way, and for some, perhaps, infertility is harder than for others. However, I would venture to say that it always brings grief. But perhaps, as in my life, it can also bring joy...

Infertility used to be that which God was using to withhold His blessings and goodness from me (and my husband).

Infertility meant that I had to “endure” another baby shower, and hold someone’s newborn baby, knowing that God had not chosen to give a baby to us. There were times when I had to hear yet another pregnant woman complain about how uncomfortable she was, when I would have given anything for that discomfort.

Infertility meant that I would sit in silence with other women while they talked about their children. Every once in awhile someone would notice my silence and try to change the subject. I didn't want to change the subject....I just wanted to be able to join in.

Infertility made me wonder if God knew something about me that I didn't know. I wondered if I would be a bad mother, and God was protecting children from me. Infertility made me doubt the good work that God was doing in my life.

Infertility was my enemy.

Infertility made me look deep inside to see if I really cared about God's dreams for my life, or if I only wanted my own.

Infertility taught me what it really means to surrender to God's will and plans, and to walk forward, trusting my Savior.

Infertility showed me that God's ways are so much higher, so much deeper, so much better than my own.

Infertility is my friend.

Infertility...Oh yes, at times, you bring that unexpected pang back into my heart, but then I remember the friend that you have become. The road that I did not want to travel has led me to my greatest joys....my dear, beloved children!

Infertility, it is ok for you to stay.....for God has shown us that our children will come home, but they will come through another door....And I desire no other children than those whom God has chosen for us!