I Knew This Day Was Coming

Leaving Baby Home - Astrakhan Russia 6/25/07

We have always been open with Madeline about her adoption.  Just like with biological children, you don't receive a manual when you are handed your kid. However, although we have always been open with Madeline, we have also let her take the lead. Compare this to a conversation about the "birds and the bees" with your child.  You are not going to give a 5 year old ALL the details, you will answer questions as they arise.  We are handling this adoption conversation in the same manner.

For quite awhile, Madeline has known that she was born in Russia.  She has known that Mama and Papa prayed for a little girl and God answered our prayers.  Madeline knows that God told us that he would give us the most beautiful, perfect girl, but that she was waiting for us in Russia and that we had to fly all the way to Russia to bring her home.

With the latest developments, Madeline knows that there is a baby growing in Mama's tummy.  Madeline has been intrigued by all the things that are happening to the baby and the fact that Mama's tummy is getting bigger. She knows that the baby will continue to grow and one day this summer Mama will go to the hospital where the doctor will help to take the baby out of Mama's tummy.

Madeline has been asking a lot of questions lately such as, "Did I have hair when I was a baby?" and "Did I know how to walk when I was a baby?"  I knew that it was just a matter of time before this line of question progressed to in utero. 

This morning, as Madeline and I were getting ready to start our day, Madeline brought up the topic of her baby brother.  I honestly don't recall exactly what we were talking about but Madeline made mention about how the baby will be born in Russia.  "Uh oh...here we go", I thought.  I simply responded "No, your brother will be born in Buffalo".  "Why?"  "Because that is what God planned for this baby."  That seemed to satisfy Madeline's curiosity as the questions stopped.  I knew that the next line of questions was not far away.  Little did I know that "not far away" meant 10 minutes later. 

TGIFriday's - Moscow Russia 7/2007

Madeline began asking more questions about the baby such as, "How big is he now?" "How big will the baby be when he is born?", "Will he have hair?"............hesitation........"Mama, was I a baby in your tummy"?    There it is....the *real* beginning to the adoption conversation.  I have been dreading this and even though my heart stopped, I knew I had to proceed with the conversation without hesitation.  I knew that any hesitation in my response could potentially come off as not not being open to this conversation and that is sooo not the case.  (DAMN....why can't David be here for this??)  I knew that *any* insecurities that will arise in the future - be it middle-school or high school - about her being adopted, stem from this moment in time when the pieces of this puzzle start to come together in her mind.  (Okay, maybe I am being a little over dramatic with that but in many ways, these conversations will be just as or more important than the eventual "birds and bees" conversation.....and think how carefully parents choose their words for that!)  So, I took a little breath and continued. 
"No, Madeline, you didn't grow in Mama's tummy.  You grew in another lady's tummy".
"Why?"
"Because for whatever reason, Mama wasn't able to grow a baby in her tummy at that time"
"Why?"
"I don't know, honey.  But God had another lady grow you in her tummy for us. After you were born Mama and Papa got to go to Russia to pick you up."
processing......processing....processing.....processing.....
"Ya know what, Madeline.  It doesn't matter where a baby grows because *families* are born in the heart and they grow with love".

Madeline seemed satisfied, she went off to get some toys and brought them back to show me the neat things that they could do.  She seemed happy and Mama breathed a sigh of relief.

Madeline and I continued our day.  Obviously, this was still rolling through Madeline's mind.  Later when we were in church, Madeline spontaneously hugged me, looked up at me with a huge smile.  I looked down at Madeline, hugged her and smiled back at her.  Then Madeline whispered to me as she hugged me, "I like the Mama God gave me".  Talk about a heart-melting moment.  Madeline....you have no idea how lucky Mama and Papa are and how much we love you!!