No, Madeline was not born from my womb, and of that I have to occasionally remind myself, but she was born of my heart. I longed to hold Madeline more than many biological children are "wanted". My "pregnancy", albeit a "paper pregnancy", lasted one year, not nine months. And my "labor" lasted one month - and bio moms, don't get on your high horse. You don't know pain until you live out of a hotel room in Russia for a month!Infertility (especially unexplained infertility) is an awful experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But I can't imagine not having Madeline as my daughter. In the end, despite the never ending emotional roller coaster David and I rode, things turned out the absolute best and I would do it all again to make sure that I was Madeline's Mama. And the many years of waiting with empty arms was necessary. I was waiting, yes, but I was waiting for Madeline.
5 comments:
I can relate. I also had unexplained infertility after we had Tyler. It was a very difficult time, and I am thankful that I came out of it without losing my mind. And yes, the labor pains of adoption are no less emotional or difficult than those of birthing a biological child.
I am so glad that you and I became friends!!!!
Nicely said, Amy. Remember that dream you had with the beautiful woman telling you everything will be alright? Maybe that dream is worthy of a post. I often think of that. She knew Madeline was on her way to you.
Patti: It is nice to hear that perspective from someone who has a "home grown" kid and an adopted kid. Thanks for sharing.
Kelly: Are you saying that because I get you addicted to things??? Scrapbooking, Blogging and Facebook?? :-)
Marysia: Funny you say that. I actually began writing about that dream in this post and decided that the post was getting too long (Kelly and I were on the phone while we were simultaneously playing on Facebook way too long last night). I'll have to do another post just about that dream. And by the way, the dream had the beautiful woman and Grandpa O. in it. I'll have to recap it. Maybe tonight.
I remember that it had Grandpa O. in it. After I posted, I was thinking about it and I believe that Grandpa sort of interceded on your behalf and brought Her to you in your dream. Although Grandpa was a quiet man, somewhat in the shadow of a more outspoken Grandma O., my memory of him was that he was a good, loving and sensitive person, keenly aware of his family. He saw the difficulty you were having and it is no wonder that dream was calming and reassuring for you.
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